Dear Coleen
In my thirties, I have encountered a remarkable woman who seems to be an ideal match, yet I am apprehensive about delving deeply into a relationship with her.
Having experienced a previous marriage to someone I believed was flawless, only to witness a drastic change in her behavior post-engagement, I find myself hesitant due to concerns about misjudging character.
Despite warnings from others about my ex-spouse, I was blind to her negative traits, enamored by her charm. However, post-wedding, she exhibited selfishness, flirtation with other men in my presence, disrespect towards my friends, and a controlling demeanor.
The breaking point arrived when she embarrassed me at a work function while intoxicated, a memory that continues to haunt me. Predictably, the marriage did not endure.
Although interested in progressing with the new woman in my life, I find myself holding back, a sentiment she has picked up on as she questions the status of our relationship. What guidance can you offer?
Coleen advises
Primarily, it is crucial to realize that thoughts of marriage are premature, relieving unnecessary pressure. Mistakes serve as learning experiences, and it appears that your past marriage was an instructive error for both parties. Such occurrences are common in life.
When deepening your involvement with the new woman, should the topic of remarriage arise, honesty regarding your apprehensions is key. Vulnerability cultivates empathy, nurturing a stronger bond. Transparency is acceptable and often leads to reciprocated reassurance and understanding.
Consider that while marriage may not be a necessity, it should not hinder the pursuit of fulfilling relationships. For instance, my sister recently wed her partner after 47 years of companionship, maintaining a content and stable relationship. Conversely, having been married and divorced twice myself, I acknowledge that life’s course can diverge from one’s expectations without instilling cynicism.
Heartbreak may instill cynicism, yet overcoming past experiences and encountering a lovely individual should be embraced for enjoyment and personal growth.
Known for her candid opinions on Loose Women, she is now renowned as Britain’s most straightforward advice columnist, addressing issues related to sex, relationships, and life challenges.
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